When I got back from my travels last week I hit the ground running with a bunch of blogger events. First there was the Wetherly Group Spring Preview then the Sincerely Jules x Lionette lunch in Malibu followed by the Joe’s Jeans x Bella Hadid party at the Sunset Tower. I missed a party in Venice for the Crossroads Trading Style Council because I was just too wiped and had already been out to the west side once that day for Jules. I was so looking forward to attending all of these things so it was disappointing when the “poor-me’s” set in. The “why don’t I have as many followers as so and so?” “Why am I not collaborating with this brand?” followed quickly by “Why am I so shitty at blogging and life in general?”

Here’s the truth. I love fashion and I feel privledged to be a part of the blogging community but it also makes me feel self conscience. I usually feel under dressed at events and like everyone is wearing a cuter outfit than me. The reality is that I’m not a full time fashion blogger and so I can’t compare myself and my success to the girls who are. Instead of being gentle with myself and saying maybe your trajectory is a little different I get really hard on myself and think that I need to be the best at everything and it’s just unrealistic and actually makes me pretty miserable. The thing is I know that being hard on myself is such a waste of time and so counter productive and yet sometimes I still slip into it.

I used to have an acting teacher whose catch phrase when you found yourself distracted in an audition room or scene by the ugly, meanie voice inside your head was to say aloud “I’m back”. I went away for a little bit to someplace yuck but now “I’m back” in the moment, breathing and taking in what I see in front of me. And what I see in front of me today is a pretty amazing life that will always looks shitty when I compare myself to other people. So… I’m back! Literally and figuratively.

Photos by Mark Griffin Champion

Bodysuit Azalea SF, Jeans Joe’s Jeans, Shoes Soludos, Bag Clare V.